Second Child Guilt and Working Moms :: It’s the Quality of Time, Not Quantity, That Counts

My daughter is not getting quite the same experiences as a toddler that my son did, and it often stresses me out. As a mom of two, I like to keep things equal between my kids from – everything from buying new clothes to the time I spend with them. I’m quickly learning that keeping things even keel isn’t realistic. But what I often need a reminder on is that it doesn’t mean I’m a bad mom or messing up my kid’s childhood.

second child guilt

When my son was born, I left an awesome full-time job to have some more time at home. I was fortunate to land a part-time position three days a week. It was good for me to work outside the home, and we needed the extra income. He was in daycare three days a week, and we’d have every Tuesday and Thursday together. He was an extra early riser, so we were out the door those mornings, taking in all of the programs, story times and activities Wichita has to offer. We both liked being out and about and enjoyed exploring and going on adventures.

When his sister was born, we kept up a fairly similar pace. Then he started a five day a week school program. I was sad for him to be gone so much, but looked forward to some alone time with my daughter. I wanted to show her what I’d shown my son. I soon realized however that she’s a totally different kid. She’s not always interested in leaving the house to go explore and is much more content playing at home. Since she’s able to entertain herself a lot more than he ever did, and I found myself getting more done around the house.  The laundry was folded more often, but I felt guilty.

I hoped we’d figure out a new routine, but then I was offered more time at work. The extra time came with health benefits, something that would be a huge financial help to my family. I struggled with what to do. I had planned on going back to work full-time when they were both in school full time, but not now!  

While the timing wasn’t perfect, and I couldn’t give my daughter the same thing I gave my son, I chose what was best for the whole family long-term. While these toddler years are short, I didn’t want to pass up a chance to grow in a job that allows me flexibility. I’m happy to report that while I still sometimes struggle with mom guilt  about our time together, she’s not counting minutes on a clock or days on a calendar. She’s happy at daycare and happy when we are together. She’s the best reminder to enjoy the time we have, and that it’s about quality and not quantity.


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Kim Trinchet
Kim is a Wichita transplant who never planned to stay, but 15 years later she’s convinced Wichita is the perfect place to raise a family. She’s a wife to Jorge and a mama to Nico and Lucia. She moved here from the Chicago suburbs and works in the communications world. The rest of her time is focused on seeking out adventures with her little family. She also loves browsing grocery store aisles, reading cookbooks, iced coffee and wine. Kim’s trying to learn Spanish as well, her kiddos are bilingual and already speak better than she does!