Learning to Say No When You’re a Yes Person

Yes, yes. A Thousand Times Yes.

I’ve been a yes person pretty much my entire life. Just ask anyone who knows me or check any personality test I’ve ever taken. Event to chair? Committee to sit on? Mixer after work? I’m your girl. Until my mid-30s, I had no child and a husband who often worked evenings and weekends. I could over-commit to my heart’s desire.

Then Along Came Charlie

I wasn’t able to get pregnant until later in life, and it was a huge surprise. When our son came along, I thought I could continue with a full calendar and let him fit into my schedule. Then I realized that while volunteering and being a social butterfly were still an important part of me that I didn’t want to lose, I had a new top priority. So what was I going to do?

Learning to Say No

I applaud those moms who appear to be Wonder Mom and can keep a million balls in the air. For me, I just couldn’t keep up the way I did before. No one was getting the best of me. Here’s how I found a balance.
 
Pick one passion. Volunteering is important to me, but I needed to narrow down my focus to one organization. I had to decide where my time and talents could make the biggest impact. For me, it was Wichita Aero Club.
 
Wave the white flag. I am not a natural delegator. However, I’ve learned that sometimes I need to ask for help and not take on an entire project on my own. Ask for a co-chair or committee to help carry the load. If I’m short on help and budget allows, I’ll even go as far as hiring an event planner to assist.
 
Limit time at social events. I’m a social butterfly, but I set the timer on my phone and force myself to make a shorter appearance. I get to say hi, and I don’t have to stay for the entire evening.
 
Let’s do lunch. I use my lunch hours to see the people I used to go get cocktails with after work. It’s a healthier choice and we have a good focused conversation during the hour we are together.
 
I don’t have to give up who I am in order to find balance between filling up my cup and being a mom. But I did need to learn that multiple people pay the price when I try to over commit.
 
What do you do to keep the balance between commitments and family time?
 

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Ashley Cook
Ashley grew up in Augusta and has lived in the Wichita area for most of her life. She works full time as vice president at a marketing agency. She'd been in the workforce for 15 years and faced years of fertility challenges before being blessed with son Charlie in 2015. She met her husband, Josh, in kindergarten. The house-divided college sweethearts attended KU and K-State, starting their careers in Dallas before returning to Wichita in 2003. Not just a full-time executive and mom, she owns Josh Cook Golf Academy with her namesake husband. Ashley also enjoys volunteering as Wichita Aero Club vice chair, driving a golf cart with Josh and Charlie, drinking wine and spending time with family.