My Baby Boy,
Now that you’re six years old, you giggle with silliness when I call you my “baby boy”. You think it’s so funny when I grab you up and try to rock you like a baby – it’s a game we play. You yell, “Mom, I’m not a baby!” with the most contagious laugh. The fact is, you know good and well that you’re no longer a baby, so me calling you “my baby boy” seems totally hilarious in your childlike mind. But, what you don’t know is that lately when I look at you, all I can see are flashbacks of your newborn face evolving into a toddler face evolving into this face of a little boy that is now perfectly you. I see flashbacks of the happy tears I shed each time you reached milestones, big and small…..like when you stopped drinking your milk to point at your bedroom shelf and say your first word: “hat”. Like the time you scored your first soccer goal and I saw the smile that spread across your face with a sense of “I did it!”. You’re only six and we’ve experienced so much pure goodness in this life together. And, while you’re looking taller and leaner and more big boy-ish than ever….to your mama, you’ll always be my first born: my baby boy.
Though you may not quite realize it, big changes are on the horizon for your little life and our family later this year. We will be welcoming a baby girl in September, and I have relished witnessing every ounce of your excitement over becoming a big brother since we surprised you with the news. But, let me tell you this, baby boy: Change is so good. Sometimes change can stir up our nerves and get our emotions in a tizzy because we experience anxious feelings over fear of the unknown and anticipating how our lives will shift and how we’ll regain our footing….BUT change is good, and this change will be great.
As I look at you this summer, I see the change coming. I see all of our lives shifting before my eyes, and with that comes a bit of somber mood for your mama in realizing that I’m spending my last summer with my baby boy before our lives will be forever changed. I see my last few months with you before it’s no longer just the three of us: you, me and your Daddy. We’ve been such a tight knit trio for so long that sometimes it’s hard to imagine life any differently. We’ve been a happy triad of a team that’s stuck together through big life transitions to new cities, and regardless of the unexpected ups and downs, it’s always been okay – because we had “us”.
Knowing that your sister will arrive in September, we’ve made #summer17 all about you, baby boy. We’ve checked off bucket lists, I’ve soaked you up, I’ve stored way too many images of you on my iPhone and prayed for time to slow the heck down. We’ve played our fair share of Marco Polo in the pool, we’ve collected clams on the beach, we’ve played Scrabble, we’ve picked blackberries, we’ve had snow cones and made up bedtime stories and the list goes.
One of my favorite memories was you waking up one summer morning to tell me, “Mom, last night I dreamed we married”. You had the most perfect mixture of pride and bashfulness and love on your face that will only be captured in my #summer17 memories. All I could think was that we have been married…all summer long. And, it’s been dreamy. With tears in my eyes as I write this, I want you to know that your mama will never forget this sweet sweet summer with you.
You, baby boy, made me a mama. And, being your mama has taught me more about myself than I ever thought possible. Your life is such a gift that has grown me, refined me, and given me an abundance of unspeakable joy. You remind me of the important things in life almost daily. I will never forget the memories this summer was made of…a combination of adventures, ordinary moments, and good old fashioned fun.
Now, let’s go shopping for school supplies because against my will, life keeps unfolding, and well, you’re not only about to rock the big brother gig, but you’re onward and upward to first grade. Farewell to our summer, baby boy. It was one for the memory books.
hugs & kisses,