Last summer, we were waiting on our baby #2 to arrive, and I really wanted to tackle potty training with our two year old. Like it was a to-do to be checked off, next to picking up eggs and milk at the market.
I had friends who had experienced success with the Three Day Potty Training Method, so that was my plan of action. Of course, it didn’t exactly take three days for us. She immediately figured how to “beat the system” by holding her potty, even with an excess of fiber and liquids. This little “skill” she learned would eventually be the cause for the most stressful, maddening months we have experienced as parents.
At the beginning we were pleasantly surprised. After a couple weeks of consistency and encouragement (and a lot of tears, stickers and M&M’s), it actually worked. We could not believe it. Our little girl was potty trained!
But only halfway. She would absolutely not poop on the potty.
Though she had zero problems with pee at this point, she would clam up the moment she had to go #2. She learned to hold it, causing further problems. And we were beyond the point of no return to switch back to diapers (we tried!), so we tried all the tricks of the trade.
We put the potty seat in warm water, had a consistent diet of prune juice and fiber, got a visit from the “Poop Fairy”, could recite every lyric to The Poop Song, and had a bathroom that looked like a carnival with charts, candy and toys.
We decided to try one last potty seat at the recommendation of our pediatrician. She told us we needed to encourage our toddler to squat because it straightens the rectum, allowing poop to fall out easily without strain.
Finally one day, something clicked. And she went on the potty. When she was ready.
How to cope with a toddler who won’t poop
Make it difficult for them to “hold it”. We were very intentional with our daughter’s diet and encouraged lots of movement and exercise. We incorporated a ton of fiber-rich foods and upped the liquid intake. We also limited the dairy as that can be a barrier (literally).
Find the right potty seat. Thanks to our pediatrician enlightening us on this one, teaching us the importance of “leverage”. For our daughter, sitting on the big potty with her feet dangling was actually making it significantly more difficult to naturally push. We switched to this Baby Bjorn low-to-the-ground potty seat because it gave her leverage, and it was the big game changer for us.
Stay the course. Unfortunately, once we began the process of potty training, there was no turning back. We figured it would be even more confusing if we went back to diapers after she had been in underwear for months with no accidents. So we did what we thought was best, which was to stay consistent.
Don’t stress. This is such a tough one. But your anxiety heightens their anxiety. All you can do to help them through this fear is to keep encouraging them and take the pressure off. We let her set the pace and tried to make things fun with videos, songs and books. And we kept telling ourselves, she won’t still be pooping in a diaper in kindergarten!
What we would do differently next time around
Wait until they’re ready. I can’t stress this enough. Although my daughter really was showing some signs of readiness, I definitely forced the issue before she was completely ready. What I went into as a let’s try this out and see if it works, turned into a nightmare for us. Toddlers are little people, and you can’t make them do anything they don’t want to do. We could have avoided a lot of anxiety (and messes) had we just waited until she was completely comfortable. But once we started the process, there was no turning back. It was a state of unnecessary limbo for longer than it needed to be.
Don’t compare. I was just sure that because this method clicked with other two year olds, it would with mine as well. And admittedly, when it wasn’t working, it made me feel like a failure. Of course I see clearly now and can confidently say that our situation was simply a reflection of our daughter’s personality, preferences and ways in which she handles new situations. And comparing children is like comparing chocolate to potato chips – both delightful, but completely different.
Know YOUR child. In hindsight, I should have known that this rip-it-off method would not have been the best choice for our daughter. She needs time to process, analyze and settle in slowly to new situations before she is confident enough to succeed. So for us, that meant completely backing off and letting her lead the way. And one day, she was finally ready, on her terms of course!
This post was originally written in 2015.
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I am going through this now with my son(3 in September) and it is so stressful. He does pretty good going pee and has pooped on the potty several times. The problem is he still doesn’t know how to recognize when he needs to go. We have been taking him about every 30 minutes and we still have had accidents. He starts a new school in August and really needs to be trained. Wish me luck!
Hang in there – this #2 stuff is no joke. But he will get it!!