“Are You Trying for a Girl?” Gender Specificity & Adoption

Thank you to Martin Pringle Law Firm’s Adoption Attorneys for sponsoring this post.

Many families with multiple children of the same gender have been asked by a friend, family or stranger in the grocery store whether they will, “Try for a girl.” Society seems to have a general opinion that families should have both genders, despite the fact that it isn’t something within parents’ control.  

Opinions abound regarding the gender of unborn babies, too.  Thus, it is no surprise that on occasion an adoptive family will state a requirement for one gender or the other.  Despite the reasons a family provides for a gender preference, the adoption world doesn’t easily accommodate this request.  

1. Gender is unknown. 

Expectant mothers making an adoption plan choose the family who will adopt their child. The vast majority of these women do not know the gender of the baby when they choose the adoptive couple. Thus, the families they consider for placement of their child must be happy to adopt either gender. 

2. Gender preference is a turn off to expectant mothers. 

Expectant mothers want an adoptive family who will love their child no matter what gender their child is. After all, the biological mother didn’t choose the gender either.  Often when attempting to include gender-specific adoptive families in the matching process when the gender of the baby is unknown, the overwhelming response is negative and results in a decision not to consider the gender specific family. 

3. Most adoptive families do not have a gender preference. 

Because the vast majority of adoptive families do not impose a gender restriction, those that do have an exponentially harder time being chosen.  On the rare occasion when a mother does know the gender of her child at the time she is choosing an adoptive family, she will be presented with families who do – and do not – have a stated gender restriction.  Thus, a gender-specific family has a much smaller chance of being chosen by a mother because the numbers are not in their favor. 

So many factors must match up for a family to be considered by an expectant mother:  the cost of the adoption matches their budget, the race of the child is a race they want to adopt, the biological mother’s mental health and drug history is acceptable to the adoptive family, the list goes on and on.  And those are just what has to match up to be considered by the expectant mother. In order to adopt the child, the family has to be the expectant mother’s ‘favorite family.’  

After discussing these factors that it is up to them if they decide to proceed with a gender restriction but it will prolong their adoption journey significantly.  The hope is that after some education an adoptive family realizes they care more about becoming parents than whether their nursery is pink or blue. 

Martin Pringle’s Adoption Attorneys have more than 50 years-experience representing adoptive parents and birth mothers. We are dedicated to the goal of connecting the right adoptive parents with birth mothers seeking a loving home for their child. From start to finish, Martin Pringle’s adoption attorneys will be by your side.