Recently, while enjoying a new book, I read these encouraging words: “We don’t have to be blooming to be growing.” This statement comforted my mama’s heart, because it sounds a whole lot like my life right now.
Do you ever feel like so much is demanded of you that other parts of your life are lying dormant? As mamas, we make difficult choices, and then we have to take responsibility for those choices. I personally made the choice to stay home and home-school my kids, because it fits really well with my family’s needs and my personality. And many days, I love it. I often feel so much gratitude and joy during the day, to be able to do what I’m doing.
But I’d be lying if I said that I never face days in which I question my life choices.
All it takes is a couple difficult days of home-schooling in a row, two older children who seem stuck in bickering mode, and a toddler who is into everything – and I find myself sitting at my dining room table during the bewitching hour, looking at my destroyed little house, listening to the cacophony of tired children, in my sweats and my messy bun (unfortunately not “getting things done”), and I wonder what in the world I am doing with my life. I dream of going to grad school. I fantasize about hiding away in coffee shops, studying for the next big test, or writing a research paper (don’t laugh). Or, better yet, what if I was able to write something I truly want to get down on paper, if I only had the time? I longingly imagine what it would feel like if I could finally volunteer for all the causes I feel passionate about, or if I could crawl into bed at night knowing I worked in a tangible way to execute that project I’ve been dreaming of doing. Some days I would like to wear a different hat than “mom hat” or “teacher hat” or “trying to clean up the perpetual mess” hat.
When we say “yes” to something, we say “no” to a hundred other things.
That’s true for all of us, no matter our life choices. Whether you have chosen to be a working mom, a PTA mom, or a wild and free home-school mom, it’s extremely likely there are parts of your life lying inert, waiting for a chance to come alive. Moms make the world go round, but we can’t have it all. We only have a limited amount of time and energy, and so sometimes we can only invest in a few areas of life while other areas suffer. Kids take up a lot of our energy. Sometimes this gives us less energy to invest in our long-term goals, our girl tribe, or advancing our careers. I know we all have something in our lives lying comatose, waiting to bloom. But just because we aren’t blooming doesn’t mean we’re not growing.
I always hate to see the last leaves falling off the trees before winter. Watching the lawn turn a rusty shade of brown, the garden go bare, and the last flower fall fills me with a seasonal sadness I have to work hard to fight against during the winter months. So many things feel bleak. Days are shorter, nights are longer, and nature feels “blah”. It looks like death – but I have to remember, it’s not. Everything is still alive; it’s just waiting for its season.
I don’t know what Act III will hold for me.
I regularly re-evaluate my choices to make sure they line up with what’s best for our family unit, our relationships with each other, and honestly, my mental health. Right now, I’m content with the season of life I’m in, even if it frustrates me from time to time. The things that I treasure all fight for center stage, but it’s not like I’ve given up on any of them. I keep my curiosity alive, and I continue to find creative ways to be the very best version of myself I can be during this season of my life. Because it’s only a season. And just like outside my window, winter is slowly giving way to spring, so this season will pass on to a new one.
In whichever season you find yourself in, dear mama, remember this – it will change. Do it as well as you possibly can, be all in, and for all those dreams in your heart lying dormant until the kids are just a little bit older? Be patient. Growth is happening, it’s just under the surface where you can’t see it yet. Good things come to those who wait.
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