Looking for the Good

Evil exists in the world, but remember to look for the good. This is the lesson I hope to impart on my son as he grows.

On the days following the tragedy in Charlottesville, my husband and I sat watching the news in disbelief. I was heartbroken for the people of Charlottesville, for all people of color, and for our nation. Then it hit me, this is our reality. I am going to have to explain events like this to my children. In our world of twenty-four hour news coverage and real time news via social medial, we no longer live in a world where our children are protected from the events of the world that were once only whispered about by their parents.

How will I put words to an event that even I do not understand?  How will I explain to them why someone may hate them based on the color of their skin, who they love, or what religion they practice? While my children are still too young to understand or question the events that occurred in Charlottesville there will come a day when they do want to talk about what is going on in our world and I want to be prepared to face that conversation head on. 

So what is my plan?

Turn off the TV

While I want to be just as informed as the next person it is important to remember that what you hear and understand as an adult is nearly impossible for a child to comprehend.  The names and faces of those who have committed such horrible acts only give a face to their nightmares. 

Ask questions

When the time comes that they want to talk about what they have seen or heard start with questions.  Asking exactly what they understand and what they know already.  This will allow them to tell me exactly what they want to talk about and will give me a place to start.  I hope to be able to address fears and clear up misinformation by being honest, but at the same time not providing more information that he needs.  Honesty is key, and I want my children to know that I am not going to hide the truth from them. I want them to know that when they have difficult questions about what is going on in the world around them, I am a trusted source for information.

Provide reassurance

I don’t want my children to walk around in fear each day that something terrible is going to happen to them or those they love.  At the same time I do not want them to feel like their fears are unwarranted.  Explaining that events like this are rare, but that when they do happen, we are all very sad and worried. This will help to normalize those feeling they may be experiencing.  Encourage them to talk openly about what they are most concerned about or what they are fearful of.  Allowing them to put words to their fears will ensure that those fears do not grow and fester. It also allows me as a parent to be specific and not just assume. When I can tailor my reassurance to address their specific fears or concerns it becomes more meaningful.  

Highlight the positive and play a part in it.

In every tragedy there comes a glimpse of hope.  I love the Fred Rogers quote:  When I was a boy and I would see scary things in the news, my mother would say to me, “Look for the helpers. You will always find people who are helping.”  In times of tragedy so many come forward to help, to contribute to the mending of what is broken.  Allowing my children to participate in the mending will also help them to mend and to ease their fears.  Participation can maybe saying a special prayer for those affected, raising money, signing a petition, attending a rally, educating ourselves about the community effected, or sending a card. We all feel empowered when we are part of the solution this is no exception for our little people.

My heart breaks that we continue to see things like Charlottesville, Orlando, and Charleston happening in our country.  I don’t know if I will ever find the right words to mend the breaks that these events will leave in my children’s hearts, but I hope that I empower them to look for the good in these times of darkness. I hope that through my children I will be able to make some small impact to help ensure that there is a little less evil in the world and that there is more good, love, and acceptance.  

How do you talk to your child about tragedy?

Samantha Jacob
Samantha is a Kansas girl through and through. Born and raised in a rural community near Topeka, KS, she moved to Wichita in 2002 to attend WSU. Obtaining her graduate degree from the Wichita State School of Social Work, she loves her job as a pediatric medical social worker. Samantha calls East Wichita home with her husband, two beautiful children, and dog. Having lived in Wichita for over a decade she has enjoyed rediscovering Wichita through the eyes of her children. When time allows Samantha enjoys spending time with friends, trying new restaurants, and re-watching episodes of the West Wing.