We’re supportive of all the “mom types.” The nursing mom, the formula mom, the working mom, the stay at home mom. Every type of mom. Well, almost. What about that “Picture Perfect” mom? You know, the mom whose Facebook albums look like they belong in picture frames. Do you roll your eyes when she shows up with full make-up, a fresh mani/pedi, and a perfectly accessorized outfit? Do you mutter something snarky when she cheerfully sits her immaculate homemade organic gourmet cupcakes down at the potluck?
What about that mom? What makes it ok to judge HER?
Looking at HER
It’s time to de-villainize this mom. Try to take a walk in HER shoes (which are probably cute stilettos – even at the park). The easiest conclusion for us to accept is that she has a deep insecurity she is overcompensating for. You know what, maybe that’s true.
MAYBE she wears full make-up to get the mail because she believes that her “naked” self is so unattractive that she can’t even bare the idea of a neighbor seeing her true self. Imagine living with THAT level of insecurity.
Now you kind of want to give her a hug, don’t you?
MAYBE she is just REALLY type A. Yes, every picture she shares seems to be orchestrated. Maybe it was.
Maybe she took 6 photos in order to get the ONE that you are seeing. I’m guilty.
If my child is doing something adorable, you better believe I will be nudging that pile of laundry over so it isn’t in the shot. Why? I want that picture to be about my child, and if I leave those things in the background, EVERY time I look at that photo, I will see that eyesore. That’s my problem, not yours. (Unless our children are taking a picture together, in which case it will take about 4 times longer than you think it should. Sorry.)
MAYBE it’s not all so deep and underlying. Maybe, just maybe, she prefers to focus on the positive. There was a great article posted on Knoxville Moms Blog (If You Can’t Say Something Nice), reminding us all to be aware of how we speak about our children. You can extend that thought to how we speak about our spouses, other moms, and even ourselves. The more you focus on the negative, the more you SEE the negative. It becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. So, maybe this mom with the “perfect” family never talks about her teen’s bursts of anger or the fact that an hour ago she was scrubbing her toddler’s poop out of the easy bake oven. Maybe the reason they seem like they have the perfect child and the perfect life, is because they are working to see life through those lenses – to focus on the positive. You aren’t going to see roses through poop colored glasses.
MAYBE she posts her “Pintrest Perfect” projects because she worked hard on them. She could have spent hours laboring on that project, starting over seven times and threatening to quit eight. Or, maybe she’s just procrastinating cleaning up the mess she made in the process of that tasty dinner.
She didn’t post it to make you feel like less, she posted it to give herself the pat on the back that she probably needs. Which brings us to the other way of looking at this…
Looking at US (ooooh, that stings doesn’t it?)
A better question in all of this might be, WHY does this bother us so much? Why can we accept so many different kinds of mom EXCEPT the one that seems to have it all together? If there is one thing I learned in Sunday school it’s that Grace Isn’t Conditional. That’s hard, especially when our pride feels injured.
What about that pride? Why DO we let the actions of another person impact our feelings so much? Sometimes, when we see that Picture Perfect Mom in action, we feel less than. That’s not HER fault. Give yourself the advice you give to your children, “You can’t control what they do, only how you will react”. Her perfect Christmas card and sickeningly sweet family blog are only making you feel jealousy if you let it become about you.
It’s true, “Comparison is the thief of joy” (Theodore Roosevelt). Smile for her, and move on. If you don’t want to feel like less of a mom, if you don’t want to feel judged – then don’t do it to other moms. Yes, even moms that seem to have it all figured out. They don’t. I’m sure of it.
And, if you still feel inadequate, sit down and talk with that mom. REALLY talk with her. You might find that she feels the same way about you.
