Dear Future Self,
Can you believe you’re a grandparent? You thought your heart overflowed with love when you had your babies (so many years ago); but now that you’ve laid eyes on your grandbaby, you know that you actually do have more love to share. Your baby is now a parent. You are now a grandparent. Can you wrap your mind around this gift you’ve been given?
Now that you have this new role in life, let me remind me of some things that will help you be the best grandparent ever. Yeah, you wrote this list when you were a young parent and these were expectations of your own kids’ grandparents.
Can you live up to your own list of expectations?
- Whether you live nearby or far away, spend quality time with your grandchild. If it means a long drive or an expensive flight, find a way to make it work – especially for milestones, like baptism, birthdays, school events, athletic championships. Your gift of time will set the stage for a loving relationship in years to come.
- When you can’t visit, be available for communication through Skype or Facetime (or whatever futuristic counterpart we have now). Set a time each week for you to connect. Be available to celebrate even the smallest of accomplishments! Be a familiar face in your grandchild’s world.
- Show your grandchild that you want to be with him. When you’re together, give your grandchild your undivided attention. Don’t be rushed. Savor the moments. Demonstrate complete love and acceptance. Even if you live in the same town and regularly see your grandbaby, show excitement each and every time you are together.
- Do not overstep your boundaries. Don’t disregard parent expectations. Their rules and schedules are important; they aren’t for you to manipulate and ignore. There’s a difference between spoiling and overstepping – please don’t cross that line.
- You are not the junk food fairy. Yes, your grandbaby loves ice cream and whipped cream, but please feed something healthy and nutritious. Sugar is not a food group.
- Guilt trips don’t work; they just feed resentment. You say you don’t visit your grandbaby because you’re too busy, but you expect them to visit you? News flash: your kids are busy, too. Honestly, if you can’t visit, then simply admit that. There’s no need to spread guilt.
- Don’t judge parenting choices as long as your grandbaby is healthy and thriving. Just because you don’t agree, it doesn’t mean their parenting choices are wrong. Seriously. Step back. Respect their parenting. Keep your judgmental comments to yourself. Remember the saying: “If you don’t have nice things to say, don’t say anything at all.” (Of course, if someone is hurting your grandbaby, step in like a protective Nana Bear!)
- Empathize. You remember life as a new parent. Fatigue. Busy-ness. Sleepless nights. Lack of time for and confidence in one’s self. Little energy to enjoy your spouse. Be sure to help however you can. Send a note in the mail to say, “Thinking of you. I know it’s difficult, but try to enjoy the moment.” Offer to babysit and give a gift card for a movie-dinner date night. Show a little love to the two who made you a grandparent!
I wish you the best as you start this new chapter of life. I hope this list helps you be the best grandparent you can be. Treasure this gift. I know you will.
Love,
Me
