Over the last few weeks, my little town has really been traveling through some rough times. People always say, “nothing happens in small towns.” “That nothing bad can happen here.” “Thankfully, we don’t live in the city.”
Well, man were we wrong.
Scary things are happening with little or no warning. Families are torn apart by abuse and neglect. Businesses are literally blown apart. But this post will NOT be about gun control, family law, or religion. It WILL BE about my real fears for my children’s futures and what I can do as their momma to keep them and others a little safer. I am sure these fears will be very familiar to most of you, because as mommas, I think our basic instincts are fairly similar.
Truth #1: This world is scary and terrible things happen, and I fear I won’t be able to protect my kiddos from it.
Truth #2: Bad things eventually happen to everyone, and I fear my kids won’t be able to deal when their turn comes along.
Truth #3: My children will be forced to make really hard decisions, and I fear my kids will make the wrong choices.
Do any of these truths/fears resonate with you? I hope so, because then I will feel a little better about my parenting skills (or lack there of).
I am still reeling a little bit by they scary and terrible things that happened too close to my heart and my family. I know in my heart that I will never be able to fully protect my children – period. Such a hard fact to take in, but it is so true. I can do my best to keep the real world at bay for as long as possible, but it will enter their lives sooner than I would like it to. And if I am honest with myself, I will just need to be ok with that.
I want my children to be fully prepared for the events that will happen in their lives.
People will die, but people will be born.
We will be devestated, but we will be filled with joy.
Friendships will go, but friendships will come.
We will sob without reservation, but we will fully belly-laugh.
The best part about being human is that we are able to experience the highest of highs and the lowest of lows. The hardest part about being human is learning to deal with the transitions. I imagine hardest part of being a momma is watching your child, God’s most precious gift, suffer through that transition.
I think the best way to equip my kiddos to deal must be three-fold: honesty, modeling, and practice.
First, I need to honestly talk with my children. If I am sad or upset, my 3-year-old notices and asks if I am ok. I need to remember that it is good for kids to know that I am sad or mad or happy. I shouldn’t brush away the tears and say, “Momma is fine.” I should say, “(Insert bad thing here) happened, and Momma is really sad about it.” I think the honesty will help my kids know their tears are ok.
We are also really honest about some situtations with our 3-year-old (the 6 month old is still wonderfully oblivious). When you ask her why she can’t walk out the hotel room door alone (as she did last week), she will now respond that she may never get to see momma and daddy again. She knows that running away could result in someone taking her away from momma and daddy. I hate that she knows these truths, but the honesty is what keeps her safe.
Second, I need to model the behaviors I want my children to learn. As I teacher, I see so many children dealing with hurt and anger in ways that just make things so much worse. I have no idea what is being modeled in their homes, but I do know if I am angry or hurt, I need to deal with it in the “right” way because my children are watching. I can teach my kids how to “deal with the bad thing” if I show them how when bad things happen to me.
Thirdly, if I am worried about my kids’ future decision-making skills, I need to remember that it is never to early to talk about why/how we make decisions. So I need to give my kids choices to make now and help them deal with the consequences when they make the wrong choice. “Practice makes perfect,” they say, but I like the idea that “practice makes better.” Better to fail in decision making at age 3 when she is only deciding about which shoes to wear to pre-school instead of at age 18 when she is deciding about schools, or worse – boys.
How do you help your kids deal with the hard stuff?
