What “Alone Time” Means to an Ambivert

I can hear it now.

“What in the world is an ambivert?”

As someone who is obsessed with self-discovery, I thought the same thing as I was trying to figure this part of myself out some years ago. 

So, dear reader, allow our intelligent friend Google to tell you because what can’t Google explain?

“Alone time” is a term referred to by many of us often and, if you’re a mother, I’m sure you understand the importance of time alone even more than you did before you became a parent (i.e. hiding in the bathroom from our children just to be able to have a moment to ourselves. Sound familiar?).

Most of my life I have believed I am an extrovert. I’ve always genuinely adored people and being in the presence of others. I thrive within the company of others. It energizes me. So much so, that I often over-do it to the point of craving time alone. 

If you’re like me, you’ve always thought of yourself as an introverted-extrovert. You can be outgoing, yet desperately need time alone. 

You can’t do that. You’re one or the other. 

No, this is how I am. And this is how many other people are. But we’re often misunderstood. 

So yes, I’m outgoing. But not all of the time. Confusing, I know. 

I have a career I truly enjoy in Pharmaceutical sales that allows me to communicate with people all day, every day. This is one of my favorite parts about my job and what allows me to thrive, but it is also a part that can sometimes drain my social tank.

I wanted to know more about why this is and what makes us all unique in this area of life. So, about a decade ago, I began to do some research. 

The fact is, introversion and extroversion (terms coined by Carl Jung) isn’t an either/or type of “diagnosis.” It’s a spectrum and a person can lie anywhere along that spectrum. 

Over time and through much evolved research, modern psychologists have stumbled upon discovering ambiverts. We are equal parts introvert and extrovert. Because of this, we are known to perform best in sales roles, high-pressure careers and people-oriented positions. Subconsciously I believe ambiverts, like myself, are naturally drawn to these types of positions. 

As most ambiverts experience, there are times that I want to be amongst a large group of people and other times I would rather be with a small group of people, one-on-one with a friend or spending time alone. I have always said that I like myself enough to want to hang out with myself–No matter where we fall on the spectrum, I think we should all strive to get to that place!

Ambiverts need balance. We seek social settings and do so quite well. We aren’t overly boisterous or aggressive like the extrovert can be, but we enjoy being outgoing on our own terms. We also enjoy solitude but aren’t as extreme with it as the introvert. We need both settings rather equally to feel fully balanced and happy. 

Because we are in the middle, we are flexible. But, as a result, this can also cause us to be indecisive which, to be honest, explains myself to the “T.” Maybe it also explains why I couldn’t figure out if I was an introvert or an extrovert all of those years. Haha!

An ambivert also has a pretty good understanding of people overall and different surroundings/settings. We are highly intuitive and can sense the emotions of others while likely being able to relate to them in many ways. We aren’t afraid to talk, but we also like to observe and listen. We are likely to know when to help or stay back.

No single personality trait has it all, including ambiverts. Ambiverts, however, can have an easier time being adaptable. Yet, adaptability is also something that can be learned and expressed by any personality. 

The truth is, personality goes way beyond a simple label. 

Understanding some of the different traits can help you to know yourself and others better and perhaps make you more successful in your daily life. So, if you can relate to the above, you just may be an ambivert too.

Where on the spectrum do you feel you are most relatable?


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Desi Viner
Desi is a hometown girl, attending a small town school just north of Wichita. From a young age she had a love of sports, fueling her to play collegiate sports while obtaining degrees in Biology, Chemistry and Communications. Desi is a working mom and enjoys a career in pharmaceutical sales. Her and her family enjoy music of all kinds and use their love of music to put on music events in the surrounding area. Desi happily resides in Wichita with husband, Ross and their two sweet little girls, Adeline and Annie. Faith, family and coffee talks/quality time with friends are at the top of her list of favorite things. She also loves being active/running/working out, playing sports, grocery shopping and looks forward to cooking when time permits within her busy schedule; but nothing beats dining out with a smooth glass of red or a delicious Moscow Mule (she's done "research" and has found the best in Wichita). Above all, the greatest joy in her life is simply being a mom. Even with all of its challenges, #Momlife is truly the best life!