“So is dad babysitting us tonight since you are going out with your friends?”
Uh, no.
I know it was not intended to come out like that- innocent mistake. He is only ten! But, as we always tell him: words matter.
Your parent does not babysit you; your parent PARENTS you.
The thing is, this is not the first time I have heard a child refer to their parent in this manner.
Society forgets that mothers are not solely responsible for taking care of children. Mothers tend to bear the brunt of the work – sometimes self-imposed, sometimes not – however, both parents have a lasting influence on their children, and shouldn’t we both want to be involved in making our mark? This should not fall squarely on the shoulders of one parent.
We are lucky – we established shared parenting duties and household chores early in our relationship. Only due to my personality traits, I am still the primary responsible party of most organizational and planning of small details, my partner is equally responsible for the breakfast-making, bed-tucking, craft-making, room-cleaning, dish-washing, appointment-taking, and clothes-picking, to name a few.
Our children should see us as a team.
On more than one occasion our oldest has asked one parent for permission to do something and the other has replied: “If mom/dad said no, then you know what my answer is…” and he replies with an eye roll, saying, “I know, I know. You guys are a team”. When we disagree, we take it to another room to discuss it in private. We have ingrained in them that they cannot pin us up against each other.
It is not always easy. There are many times when I want to take way more than I want to give. I truly despise doing laundry and my husband sucks at cleaning toilets. Since I am still pursuing a degree while working and being a part of multiple non-profit organizations, my husband picks up the slack. On days when he wants to do something, I try to make myself available.
It is all part of our shared goal: improving our family’s future.
We hope our children grow up in a world where both parents are present and intentional. We hope to give them the tools to have a shared responsibilities in their own homes someday, so their partnership is fruitful and not contentious. We hope they realize the power of teamwork in parenting – so we lead by example.
After all, teamwork makes the dream work…
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