Marriage can be pretty spectacular. You have someone that loves you and tells you you’re pretty. It’s pretty much easy like Sunday morning. But then there are the days where your relationship feels, well, less than glamorous. As you’re rolling over to say goodnight but you forgot your mouth guard was in and instead of a nice, sensual kiss you give a gorilla face, slobbery one. Not like that’s ever happened or anything.
I chatted with a few (read: a lot) other ladies and here are some of our daily battles:
- Short, (un)sexy mom hair
- Grocery store runs for feminine hygiene products and less than desirable items, like Fiber One bars.
- All things post-partum. From the bleeding orifices to the things that stop the bleeding, gigantic nursing boobs that we will punch anyone who tries to touch unless it’s a newborn to the new-mom tummy pouch. All wrapped up with a pretty bow called hormones.
- Morning breath
- All things bowel/gas related. Who knew that one’s medications could turn your gas into something that most men would envy, but you’re just mortified anytime you feel “the urge”. And that “in sickness and in health” included when you got a bowel obstruction and needed help making it to the restroom.
- All grooming habits that we thought were necessary but now aren’t, to the ones that we never imagined we’d be doing but absolutely are. We’re looking at you chin hairs.
- Fashion choices. This one goes out to all the ladies rocking those granny jammies to bed. Or even worse (or better, who knows) the oversized t-shirts and sweatpants.
- What used to be quickies during naptime is now a chance to pee or shower in peace.
- Rounding out the list is what we refer to our house as the exclamation point. It’s definitely more exciting than a period. The mood swings! The gore! The cramps! The period panties! They. Are. A. Thing.
With so many life changes from the time you start dating to the time you have kids, you don’t always see the little things that slowly creep up and smack you square in the face. And this list isn’t indicative of only female problems. Believe me, if I were to make a list of our weird gripes for men the list would be MUCH longer. It’s a good thing our husbands like us no matter what and find us the most desirable in the least sexy of situations.
