When I was little, I saw both of my grandmas almost every day. My maternal grandma lived down the street. We stopped by several evenings a week to visit (and have dessert. Grandma was an excellent baker!) and since my mom worked, I stayed with my paternal grandma during the weekdays when we didn’t have school. My maternal grandma taught me how to cook, organize, think deeply, and encouraged my passion for loving the underdog, oddballs, and anything unusual. My paternal grandma taught me how to budget, how to sew, how to laugh, and to show gratitude and kindness in all circumstances. My mom’s sister was born with Down’s Syndrome, and so I learned how to parent from watching my grandma, who had a daughter at home until I had two kids of my own. I also learned parenting from watching my paternal grandma who always had a grandkid or two at her house.
Grandmas can be so important! Parental and yet not, my grandmas showed me a different perspective than my parents. When I was a troubled teenager, my grandmas could talk sense to me in a way I could not hear from my own mom. I could also share with them good and bad relationships, developing philosophies, and situations in my life that I wouldn’t have shared with my mother. I don’t know whether it’s just a virtue of being a grandma or whether it’s due to not being the mother, but my grandmas really got me. They understood. And in return, I had the privilege of understanding more than my own generation, but the events that shaped my grandmas lives as well.
I thought everyone in the world was raised like this. I found it so confusing to read articles lamenting the lack of female role models for today’s young women as my life was full of amazing, brilliant, resourceful women. I had to grow up to realize just how special it was to have such meaningful relationships with my grandmothers. These are the kinds of relationships at the front of my mind when we moved back to El Dorado and ultimately three doors down from my mom. It makes my heart happy to see my daughter and my mother share a strong relationship much like the ones I had with my grandmas.
I’m a gifter. I can’t seem to help myself. When I see someone I love I want to give them something: food, wine, at the very minimum, a handshake! My grandmas got handed a lot of rocks. I was a shy kid and spent a lot of time looking down. I always found a beautiful rock and I held on to them until I saw a grandma. My maternal grandma in particular thought this made perfect sense and she kept them all. When we were cleaning out her house after she and my grandpa downsized, I found rocks stuck in drawers, boxes, cabinets, and closets.
Far too early, my paternal grandma slipped away from us all. I lived in Florida and while she tried to remember who I was when I came back to visit, we were here so seldom that we lost that closeness from my childhood. Wrapped up in new motherhood and living 1500 miles away, I didn’t know what was lost until it was gone for good. We don’t know what sticks in the mind through Alzheimer’s disease but I hope and pray my love and respect for her was embedded in her heart forever, just as her love lives in mine.
While I dearly loved both of my grandmas, I had an unparalleled relationship with my maternal grandma, who my children called Nana. She was more than a grandma to me, more than a second mom. She was my soul sister. Through every stage of my life from little girl to awkward teenager to bride to mother, she knew exactly who I was on the inside. When her health failed and she was robbed of her mind through dementia, I tried so hard to pay her back, to never forget who she was on the inside regardless of how she communicated it. Despite her illness, my kids were never afraid of her or wary of going to Nana’s house. They knew her through my stories and I dearly hope, through my heart and her life lessons I try to pass along to them.
Though both of my grandmas have been gone several years, I still try and honor their memories throughout my life. Whether it’s making Nana’s chicken, or donating to Alzheimer’s research, I find ways to show my grandmas love even now. While I’m so fortunate to celebrate Mother’s Day with my mom, I still very much miss my grandmas especially on that day. So this Mother’s Day, like so many holidays over the years, I’ll bring a rock with me to the cemetery. I’ll share their stories with my children. I’ll thank God that the very best of my grandmas lives on through their example. If you’re lucky enough to have your grandmas with you, hug them tight.
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