To The Pregnant Mama With A Toddler

Recently, I was talking to a friend (who also has two boys) about the fears I had when I was pregnant with my younger son. We agreed that while in many ways, we both felt more confident during our second pregnancies, a second pregnancy while caring for a toddler is a whole new ballgame! I was fortunate to have my husband and my bestie to lean on while I was surviving morning sickness and chasing a two-year-old, and now, I want to pass on some of that encouragement to other moms who are pregnant while caring for a toddler.

Davis Family (48)

Photo credit to Crossroads Photography

During my first pregnancy, I remember sitting peacefully in my baby’s nursery looking at all the tiny clothes, replacing my morning coffee with healthy vitamin-packed smoothies, and taking nightly walks with my husband and talking about our precious bundle of joy. Pregnancy seemed like a breeze! Pregnancy while caring for a toddler is not like that. I felt tired. SO tired. Not like the normal first-trimester tiredness-this is a whole new level of exhaustion. There were times when I would lay on the ground and let my son climb on me like a jungle gym so I could get a few minutes of shut-eye. I tried to think about things like potty-training and preschool-readiness skills while wondering how I would ever keep up with a newborn and toddler in a few months.

I also struggled with feelings of guilt. Guilt that I wasn’t giving my older son 100%, guilt about chugging down a full-strength coffee to get through the day, guilt that I wasn’t exercising as much during this pregnancy. When I quit my job to stay at home with my older son, I enrolled him in every mommy-and-me class, every music class, every play date. We were regulars at the local parks and at multiple library story times. With my second pregnancy and subsequent high blood pressure issues, I wasn’t able to keep this hectic pace. The guilt was overwhelming – I felt like I was failing my older son by not taking him to every activity and class.

Then a friend made a comment to me that changed my perspective. As I told her about some of my insecurities, she said, “I know how you feel, but giving your child a sibling is the best gift you can give him!”. I had never thought about it from that view point. While it was true that I wasn’t as energetic as my pre-pregnancy self and I couldn’t go down the slide at the park as easily, I would be giving my son a brother, which is a heck of a lot more important than missing a few mommy-and-me classes or library story times.

If you’re a pregnant mama with a toddler, here are a few pieces of inspiration to get you through the tough days:

Let go of the guilt

Kick those feelings of guilt to the curb and don’t look back! Everyone handles pregnancy in different ways. You’re growing a human being and it’s ok if you don’t feel like the Energizer Bunny. If you’re low on energy, use that time to snuggle on the couch with your toddler and watch Toy Story or another kid-friendly flick. Select a few books about the importance of being a big brother or sister and read together. Your child will appreciate the one-on-one time with you, even if the time is low-key.

Don’t be shy about accepting help IMG_2731

When your husband offers to bring home Chinese food so you don’t have to cook or your best friend offers to watch your toddler during your prenatal appointment, accept these acts of kindness without hesitation. Don’t beat yourself up about letting Grandma babysit so you can get one last mani/pedi before baby arrives (see above: let go of the guilt). Giving yourself a break once in a while is healthy for your emotional well-being and will allow you to come back to your little one with renewed enthusiasm to jump into a game of hide-and-
seek or tackle that Pinterest-inspired cardboard-box car.

Focus on the positives

I know this season seems like it lasts forever. You may question your mothering skills and be tempted to give in to that negative self-talk that says you’re not enough. Instead, focus on the excitement of adding to your family and giving your child what will likely be one of the most enduring relationships of his life. Allow your child to help with the preparation for the new baby, wor
king on simple tasks together, such as allowing your toddler to select a few stuffed animals or books for the baby’s nursery, will build the excitement for both of you! During the last few weeks of my pregnancy, I had a special ritual with my older son that involved him climbing into my bed every morning after he woke up for extra snuggles. I used this time to leIMG_2730t him know he was special and loved and to prepare him for the changing family dynamics.

If you’re an expecting mom also caring for a toddler, hang in there! Things might get harder before they get easier, but there is light at the end of the tunnel. My younger son is almost 6 months old now and my older son is an energetic preschooler. Yes, there are tired days when the baby has been up all night and my 3-year-old is on repeat with his all-too-realistic fire truck noises. But when I watch the boys together, I know the beautiful moments outnumber the difficult moments, and I wouldn’t change anything.

Lauren Davis
Lauren and her husband Dan live in El Dorado with their two boys (born 2011 and 2014). They have added a goldendoodle, a hedgehog and two cats to their family in recent years and are expecting a daughter to join their crew at the end of 2020! She is an elementary school secretary, a member of the Junior League of Wichita and the Tri-County CASA Board of Directors. Lauren spent much of her childhood in Lawrence, Kansas and moved to El Dorado about ten years ago after her husband graduated from pharmacy school. She gets by on a lot of coffee and loves all the messy, fun, wild and wonderful parts of being a mom.