Fake It Until You Make It :: Surviving the Parenting Valleys

Fake it Until You Make it

Why is it that when it rains, it pours? That life, especially when it comes to parenting, seems to have exaggerated peaks and valleys? There never really seem to be any plateaus, only one extreme or the other.

Most recently, our family experienced a seemingly never-ending valley. Nothing earth shattering, and nothing we won’t recover from, of course. But I can honestly say the last two months have been the most difficult I’ve experienced to date in my role as a mom.

You know those days {or in my particular case, weeks} where nothing goes the way you want it to? When you encounter more toddler meltdowns than you are physically wired to handle, or when your happy-go-lucky baby suddenly stops being easy and starts fussing all day every day. Or when that same baby, who has been an excellent sleeper since day one, stops sleeping and begins waking every hour. When you feel ridiculous because you only have TWO children and can’t seem to handle even that. Or when you feel like you’ve maxed out all of your patience, and you look at the clock to find that it’s only 9:00 a.m. Or when you’re stretched so thin, you feel like you’re not really doing anything well, including being a good mom to your children. Or when you find out your kids are sick for the 6th time in the span of two months, and you’re just not sure you can go through it all over again. Or when you’re embarrassed to share with your friends just how close to the edge you are because they appear to have it all together {with more on their plate than you} while you’re merely hanging on by a thread.

We all experience these periods, where we just can’t quite see the light at the end of the tunnel. I can’t count the amount of times over the past couple of months where I texted my husband “I quit” or “Bring all the wine. Now.”

But I also had moments, even if they were brief, of clarity. Where I would realize that it’s simply a matter of navigating these valleys, rather than rooting myself in them. Because at some point, the valleys always shift upward. We just have to fake it until we make it to get to that point. And going through phases like this, I often stop and try to think of ways to keep things in perspective.

It can always be worse. In the grand scheme of things, my life is rainbows and ice cream. I personally know moms who have situations that make my heart hurt, and I can’t imagine how I would handle what they do on a daily basis. But, I’ve also been reminded by some pretty stellar friends that although it can always be worse, what we go through as moms in general is real, it’s difficult and it makes our skin tough as rhinos.

Every mom has good days and bad days. Contrary to Instagram and Facebook feeds, every mom has bad days. No mom can escape the hurricane of a toddler barreling through the grocery store while hungry and tired or the needy baby who can’t seem to get back into a routine after weeks of being sick and therefore stays awake all night every night for weeks. We all have bad days. Period. {And if we’re all honest, it’s nice to know we’re not facing this alone. Right?}

They are only little for a brief moment. I try to remind myself of this constantly, and I get a little misty eyed just thinking it. But every whine, every needy little “hold you”, all the chauffeuring, the buttoning and zipping, the revolving our entire lives around feedings and sleep schedules…it will all come to an end. Much more abruptly than we’d like. So I’ll take needy sick kiddos all day every day. {As long as they come with a few extra snuggles}.

Stop fighting it, just embrace it. Again, this goes back to kids are only dependent for so long. I learned long ago to let go of control and not set unrealistic expectations. My days run much more smoothly when I don’t set myself up for failure in trying to accomplish too much. Because spit up all over your brand new outfit when you’re about to meet a client happens, your toddler has a potty accident when you’re already running 20 minutes late, and the dogs throw up all over the living room rug at 2 am the only night in three months that the kids are sleeping through the night. Instead of getting mad about it, just accept it and roll with the punches. Really. It makes life so much easier.

Accept help when offered. I have no idea why I struggle with this one so badly. Pride, maybe? But I have learned after having two kiddos that if someone offers, take them up on it. I can’t tell you how thankful I am for friends and family who have offered to help with meals, medicine pick-ups, wine drop-offs and overall help in general. Instead of saying no, I have learned to {usually} accept help with open arms. I don’t know about you, but I learned about 3 hours after having our first baby that I can’t do this alone.

It is OK to say no. This one is a biggie. Until I finally learned to say no and accepted what my limits truly were, I’ve always felt on the verge of my breaking point during a parental “valley”. As women and as moms, our plates are more than full. And although I would love more than anything to say yes to every commitment, opportunity, celebration and social gathering, it’s just not humanly possible. Especially during these bumpier times. It really is ok to say no. No one {who actually cares about you} will judge you for it.

And if none of these perspectives work, it’s always safe to say that “this too shall pass”. Because, shortly in the distance, a parental peak awaits. I promise.

Angela Green
Angela is the founder of Wichita Mom, the premier parenting website and digital guide for families as they navigate life in Wichita, KS. She is a wife, business owner, avid reader, proud gymnastics & dance mom, Peloton lover, and is always planning her next trip.

2 COMMENTS

  1. Love this- so true in many areas of our lives too. So grateful the valleys turn uowards evebtually, by Godms grace. Who are all the friends that bring wine? I need one of them! 😉

  2. Don’t feel bad. I got a text from my dad one Saturday morning at 7:45 asking the boys to breakfast and I told them he needed to get them NOW becuase they were driving mama crazy! 🙂

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