Debt Free and Staying at Home – What Gives?

You’re so lucky, I wish we had enough money for me to stay home!” Stay at home moms hear variations of this phrase a lot. It can be frustrating, especially given the sacrifices many of us make to be at home. This phrase creates false assumptions, not just for current stay at home moms, but for women who dream of staying at home but feel trapped by finances. If you are that mom, let me give you hope.

debt free and staying at home

The truth is, my husband makes about as much money as a high school teacher. We. Are. Not. Rich. But, we are not poor. We don’t live paycheck to paycheck, and we live happily (most the time) BELOW our means.

*I know that many moms want to work. They are BETTER moms when they continue to work outside the home. Other moms are victims to situations that, no matter how many sacrifices they made, would never allow them to stay at home. This post isn’t for you (but know that all us mommies applaud you).

But, if what’s holding you back is that you aren’t “lucky enough to afford it”, let me encourage you. I once thought the same thing.

Try this:
Step 1: Determine your financial goals.
Step 2: Decide what you are willing to sacrifice.


Our
Step 1: Some Pretty “Crazy” Goals

-Be debt free. As in NO debt. Neither of us wanted to resent that fact that I wasn’t “working”, and for us, that meant being debt free.

-Maintain a sizeable emergency fund.

-Continue to invest heavily for our future. We want to retire in comfort.

-Pay for our kids’ college. Yes, as in all of it. I know many people don’t agree with this, and that’s fine. But, for us, being able to give our children the gift of starting their adult lives debt (student loan) free is a priority.

debt free and staying at home

Maybe your goals allow for a bit more flexibility, great! That means Step 2 will be MUCH easier for you…

Our Step 2: So What Gives?

We had to take a very HONEST look at what we were willing to give up, or at least adjust, to meet those goals on one income.

-We moved “back home”. Having family near meant saving about $1,000 a year on travel, and we now have family members who help with everything from babysitting to renovating the house.

-I work part time. I substitute teach once a week. As a bonus, it gives me some human interaction with people over the age of 2.

-We bought our house (and renovated it) with cash. No mortgage = financial flexibility. It also means an itty-bitty house for the next few years. Downsizing was hard for me. I’d grown accustomed to our large house and fancy lakeside neighborhood.

debt free and staying at homedebt free and staying at home

My ego took a BIG hit on this one.

-We limit our “entertainment” budget. I find all the free local activities I possibly can using our rec center catalog, Parent’s as Teacher’s event schedule, and library calendars.

-We buy used. Almost all the things we buy (clothes, baby items, decorations) are used, gifted, or ridiculously on sale. Thankfully, scouring clearance racks, Goodwills, and garage sales is something I enjoy. City-Wide garage sale days are a holiday in our home.

debt free and staying at home
-We re-define gifts. For our first mother and father’s day (besides sweet gifts), we invested in a used Tula baby carrier. For Christmas, we got each other a family membership to our local rec center (it was on sale for 50% off!) and bought our son one $7 gift.

-I cook at home and we avoid junk food. In a typical week, I cook all of our weekday/night meals. We don’t buy soda, fruit snacks, chips, cookies, or basically anything that “never dies”. I meal plan so we use our ingredients efficiently. I don’t coupon much, because I end up buying more processed junk food that way…and because I am far too lazy. (Complete transparency: we are SUCKERS for a trip to our local ice cream or doughnut shop)

We use cloth diapers. Used ones no less (I know, I lost some of you on that one). It saved us a nice chunk on this baby, but it will REALLY save us money on the second AND I can sell them when I’m done.

debt free and staying at home
-My beauty routine is less than impressive. I get my haircuts whenever a $7.99 coupon comes in the mail. I do my own pedicures. I quit coloring my hair. I use drugstore and off-brand make-up and beauty products.

-I’ll go back to full time work once both our children are in school. This time of living on (basically) one income is temporary.

We sacrifice daily, live simply, and say “no” to ourselves a lot. We aren’t rolling in money. I know very few SAHMs who are. Give the stay at home mom you know a little more credit than assuming she just lucked into her situation. And, if you find yourself longing to stay at home, sit down and make these lists. It might be more possible than you once thought.

Allison Brown
Allison grew up in the Wichita area with her husband. After graduating from K-State, they moved to Kansas City for five years. She left her job as a child development and parenting teacher to stay at home with their son, Eli. Their family moved back home to Derby where Eli is growing up close to family. As an added bonus, they also bask in the freedom that is the deepest bench of free babysitters imaginable. Attempting to find their "new normal" in an old and familiar hometown keeps them busy. She loves bargain hunting, making everything into an event (preferably with a theme), taking "an obscene amount" of photos of her son, and sugar.

3 COMMENTS

  1. WELL SAID! So many have said I am so lucky to be a SAHM. We did the same thing and dumped two houses that were upside down anyhow, got rid of the frivoulous stuff, and paid cash for a 1,000 sf house that needed to be renovated top to bottom…we worked our butts off to be in this position. I am so thrilled to be in this position as a few short years ago I never could have dreamed it! Our kids will have to share a room for a few years u til I go back to work, bot on the up side……it only takes a minute to vacuum the house! lol. Congrats on your accomplishment…I know how hard you’ve worked! p.s…..i hate couponing hehe

  2. We lived on my husband’s salary when we were first married and before children, and saved/invested mine. I, too, planned to go back to work (teaching) when my son was in kindergarten, but that plan went out the window when my daughter was born with spina bifida and had 18 surgeries in 8 years. We are so glad we had planned for me to stay at home. Unfortunately we are not debt free because of those surgeries and all the other copays for wheelchairs, medicine, braces, therapy etc (my husband is a teacher) and are currently holding two mortgages on our 1500 sq. ft home. We do have retirement savings, but our children have to do what they can for college. My son elected to go to the local vo tech school in graphics arts and is now working as a printer, living at home and paying us rent. Our daughter is a senior and with her high GPA, we are hoping for lots of scholarships and grants from programs like Vocationa Rehabilitation. My husband won’t retire as early as hoped. I make $8000 a year working for a magazine from home. I had hoped to go back to teaching when my daughter went to college, but we cannot afford a modified van for her to drive and with used ones running around $35,000-40,000, it will be a while before she can drive herself to school. Voc Rehab won’t help with the modification until she is a senior in college and even then we have to buy a new or barely used van ourselves. And I have been told that not everyone has the LUXURY to stay at home. Luxuries- what are those?

  3. I love this. This explains my life perfectly. I’m a SAHM and only because we live within the humble means my husband provides not because we are rollin in dough.

    Thanks for your comments.

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