You Don’t Know What You’re Missing :: A Letter to My Daughter’s Absent Father

absent father
“Sorry” is a word frequently used in this world. So common, in fact, that unless actions back it up, it’s practically useless. I believe forgiveness is divine, but I struggle with bestowing that upon you in particular, my daughter’s often-absent father. 
 
I don’t wish you any ill will, in fact, I hope you lead a happy, fulfilled life.  I once cared for you very much. Enough to take on your last name, your questionable past, and the burden of a complicated future. I even went so far as to have a child with you.  
 
I don’t hate you at all. I just wish you would take the time to include your daughter.  
 
To be honest, I’m the one who is sorry.
 
I’m sorry you don’t see how beautiful she is in person. Sure you see the pictures I text, but even those can’t touch it. You have no idea just how lovely that little girl is.
 
It’s simply not enough to call only on a couple major holidays, when you need something, or when it’s convenient to you. I even bit my tongue when Christmas came and went with no phone call or present from you. She didn’t really notice, but that innocence won’t last forever.
 
And yes, she absolutely has the support of her stepfather and extended family, but a little girl likes to know her biological father loves her and thinks about her everyday, too. She needs to hear it often and to be shown with actions and effort.
 
You two share the same smirk and hair color, but wouldn’t you like to share memories too? Or the inside jokes and humor that fathers and daughters enjoy? You can’t name her teacher, best friend, favorite food, favorite color, biggest fear or greatest joy. You’re missing out on so much, and I don’t think you even realize it. For that, I am truly sorry for you. 
 
Always know that she will be ok. We’ve got this. She has an extended family who love and look out for her, so she will always be cared for. But also know that a day will come when she asks the difficult questions. I hope you have answers. I dread that day because although I relate to her feelings, I don’t know what I’ll tell her. I worry that I can’t possibly be able to ease her mind and heal the hurt.
 
In the end, while she hurts, you’re the one truly missing out.  She’s a beautiful, whip smart young lady who deserves a trip to the moon and stars and everything in between. I’m very sorry you can’t experience the privilege of taking that journey with her. You’ll realize this one day, and it will surely break your sorry heart.

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