Words of Wisdom from the Voice of Experience :: Preparing for the Newborn Stage…Again

preparing for the newborn stageWith less than two weeks until Little One joins our family, part of me asks, “What in the world are we doing? What are we thinking, having a baby in our 40s?” Funny…I think the same words probably filtered through my head nineteen years ago when we were surprised with a pregnancy as newlyweds in our 20s. (For the record: Yes, we are expecting Little One two weeks before our twentieth wedding anniversary.) It has been over a decade since a newborn has been in our house, but with age and maturity, I think (hope!) I am little wiser than I was in my 20s.

These are my “Words of Wisdom” to guide me once Little One is here. Maybe these words will ring true in your heart as well, whether it’s your first or fifth bundle of joy:

I am not SuperWoman. I remember the days when I felt like I was less of a wife and mom if I had to rely on others. If someone brought me a casserole, I was disappointed that I couldn’t find the time to cook for my family. If someone offered to do laundry for me, I felt unable to serve my family’s needs. When friends offered to keep a kid (or two) so I could go to the store, I thought they saw me as incapable. I know better now; I will solicit help readily with Little One. Anyone who wants to bring our family a casserole, please just remember I am on a gluten free diet! Anyone who wants to come fold laundry with me, I would relish the visit and adult conversation.

Nursing a baby for a year is not the only way to be a good mom. My friends were all blessed with a healthy milk supply, but I wasn’t as lucky. I felt like I was letting my baby down by not being able to breastfeed as long as everyone else did; I felt like I was less of a mom. With Little One, I will do my best to breastfeed – but I know it is not an attack on my ability to be a good mom if I have to supplement with formula.

My husband still needs to feel treasured. When I had three little ones, I felt like I had to prioritize my life, and I did not keep my husband at the top of the list. Our husbands need us, they need to feel loved, they need our attention, and they definitely need our time. My marriage is the key to my family; I will make a conscious effort to enjoy my husband, even with Little One in the house.

I am more than just “Little One’s Mom”; I am me. Being a mom is a gift and my kids are my treasures, but I know that there is more to me than “just” being a wife and a mom. I must make time for me, to maintain my identity, to rejuvenate my spirit, and to help me be the “best me” I can be. If that means taking a couple hours to visit with a friend over coffee, or finding quiet time at church, or enjoying a date night, then I need to make time for that – because in taking care of myself, I can better take care of my family.

Hold me accountable, will you? Remind me of my “Words of Wisdom” when you see me trying to be SuperWoman – and I promise, I will do the same for you.

Our best is good enough. Believe in that!

Maricar Harris
Maricar (pronounced “Merrah Car”) is moved to Wichita in July 2014 from Virginia Beach. She married her college sweetheart, Chris, in 1996. Together, they have four kids: Will, Addison, Bekah, and Victor. Maricar and Chris are originally from Augusta, Georgia (the “Home of the Masters”, for any avid golfers out there) and have moved quite a bit while Chris completed residency/fellowship (and an eight year US Navy commitment). Here in Wichita, they are now planting some roots. Maricar is a chemistry teacher at Wichita Collegiate, who spends a lot of time cheering for her Spartans at sporting events. She enjoys a good inspirational book, a freshly brewed cup of coffee, scrapbooking, and dinner date nights. Eating out and going to movies tops the list of things the Harris family likes to do. Having a newborn at 42 has been life changing, but she recognizes the greatness of this blessing and is looking forward to this chapter of life.