It’s been almost a year since my husband and I brought home our beautiful baby boy, and a little less than that since I started my struggle with postpartum depression. This past year has been one of tremendous personal growth – largely because I’m learning what it means to raise a child, but also because of my walk through depression to the other side. This is some wisdom I’d like to share with the sweet mamas currently in the trenches:
Get rid of all the shame and guilt.
Many women dealing with postpartum depression are ashamed of it, and as a result they keep their struggles silent. Mama, if you’re struggling, know that it’s not your fault. You didn’t ask to feel this way, and didn’t do anything to cause it. It’s not happening because you’re a bad mother, it’s happening because your hormones are affecting the neurotransmitters in your brain. You’re a great mother, and seeking treatment and counseling will only make you a better one.
I wasn’t ashamed, but I did feel guilty. Guilty that I didn’t want to be in the same room as my son, didn’t want to hold him, and had a hard time even saying his name. When I saw my husband and family having sweet, loving interactions with him, I felt guilty that I wasn’t able to take part, and sometimes didn’t even want to. Guilty that for a few weeks of that precious baby’s life, I had very little to do with raising him. That guilt took awhile to deal with, and still creeps back in when I think too much about those days. But, Mama, take comfort in the fact that your baby won’t remember those early days. I’m so thankful that my son will only remember the involved, devoted mom I’ve become since getting help.
Don’t be scared of antidepressants (if you need them).
Some women don’t need antidepressants to get through postpartum depression, but I wasn’t one of those women; I desperately needed the medication to help regulate what was happening in my brain. Mama, taking medication isn’t a sign of weakness. There’s nothing wrong with needing medication to help you get back on track. In the interest of full-disclosure, though, you should know that medication isn’t an easy, quick-fix. It takes awhile for the antidepressants to have their full effect, they can have side effects (especially initially), and you can still have withdrawal symptoms even if you taper off them correctly. I dealt with extreme exhaustion when starting my medication and had withdrawal symptoms (even though I tapered), but I still stand by my decision to take it.
Self-care is so important.
It’s easy to forget to take care of yourself when you’re trying to keep a tiny human alive, but you still matter, too! Ask your husband (or mom, or friend) to take the baby for an hour while you take a nap. And actually take a nap, don’t just lay there and listen for the baby.
Put your babe in the stroller and go for a good long walk. Eat an actual meal, and not just a snack on the run.
Mama, when you don’t take care of yourself physically, it’s much easier for your mental health to suffer.
This can strengthen your marriage and other relationships – if you let it.
Mama, you don’t have to suffer alone. Sharing my struggles with my husband and family and truly letting them help me has brought us all closer together. Sometimes they could help in a tangible way, and sometimes all they could do was sit with me, but letting them be involved drew us closer together instead of driving us apart. My husband and family didn’t really understand what was happening (neither did I, for the record), but communicating with them instead of shutting them out kept our relationships healthy, and walking through that dark time together has made us stronger.
I can honestly say that dealing with postpartum depression is the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do, but some good has come from it. Silver linings, right?
