Three years ago, on Halloween, our beautiful thirteen year old daughter, Mia, went to heaven. Her loss is still difficult – it can be all-consuming, and insurmountable at times. Like many others who have lost a loved one, the holidays can wage war on my emotions.
As Christmas approached that first year after her passing, it felt wrong for us to not buy her anything. At the same time, I felt a little creeped out thinking about wrapping something and putting it under the tree to be unwrapped…or not. So my husband and I came up with an alternative method that liberated our gift giving idea for Mia and to help us remember and honor her memory: we decided to pay it forward.
We took the allocated money that we would have spent on Mia’s gifts and snuck around Wichita paying for random people’s goods and services. You could find us in spy or Navy Seal mode as we dodged unknowing recipients and discreetly left money and gift cards with the cashier at bookstores, restaurants, and various name brand stores, with strict instructions NOT to divulge our identity. The trick is not to get caught! It also has a positive effect on the hustle and bustle shopping experiences. I love the feeling of paying for the person behind me in the Starbucks’ drive through on a Monday morning! This tradition has become so precious to our family.
If you’re struggling with how to honor a loved 
one’s memory this holiday season, here are a few things you can try:
• Volunteer together at a food bank or homeless shelter
• Pay it forward
• Donate to an organization of your choice in honor of your loved one
• Include a loved one’s treasured item in family pictures (Mia’s backpack goes with us on vacation, too.)
• Put family photo albums under the Christmas tree
Beautiful.