I should start off by saying that my son is typically a good sleeper. However, he also has nights when he decides that screaming is a much better plan than sleeping. The following is my internal monologue from one such night (we’ve all had them):
8:30 pm : “Wow, he’s up a little later tonight. Maybe that means he’ll sleep a little later in the morning!” {I don’t know why I ever think that, it never works that way}
8:45 pm : “I love rocking him to sleep, this time is just so sweet. I need to cherish these moments, right? At least that’s what people keep telling me. Cherishing, cherishing…okay, he’s out. Let’s see if I can make the transfer to the crib without waking him up.”
8:47 pm : “Pleeeeeease stay asleep…”
8:48 pm : …tiptoe out of the room, curse our squeaky floors, make a mental note to put some WD40 on the hinges of his door…
Sleeping like a champ until…
3:08 am : “Ugh, he’s up. He’s not really crying, though, hopefully he’ll put himself back to sleep.”
3:09 am : “He’s really crying now, maybe he’ll still self-soothe. Is that even a real thing?”
3:15 am : “Nope, not self-soothing. Aw man, I’m going to have to get up. How does my husband not hear this screaming? Does he put earplugs in after I go to sleep?”
3:16 am : Leaning over the side of the crib, trying to get the pacifier into the mouth of a screaming, thrashing child who clearly wants to be picked up.
3:17 am : “I won’t let him win. He’s obviously fine, he just wants me to hold him. If I pick him up, that’s just teaching him that he can throw a fit and get his way.” {Impressing myself with my own logic at 3 am}
3:19 am : Sitting on the floor, sticking my arms through the rungs of the crib, trying to hold the pacifier in his mouth and rub his back while he continues to scream and thrash
3:26 am : “Forget this, mama needs some sleep. I’ll just pick him up and rock him for a minute…”
…ten minutes later…
3:36 am : “Okay, he’s back asleep. Now let’s see if I can lay him back down.”
3:37 am : Instantaneous screaming as soon as I lean over to put him down
3:38 am : “Maybe he’s hungry? I’ll try making him a bottle.”
3:39 am : Making the bottle, banging things around a little more than I need to, hoping it’ll wake my husband up and he’ll come to the rescue.
3:40 am : “Nope, husband is still sleeping like a baby.” {I’m just realizing the irony of this saying; it should be “sleeping like the parents of a baby when the baby is at grandma’s”}
3:47 am : “Bottle’s gone, he’s back asleep, surely he’ll stay asleep this time.”
3:48 am : More screaming when I try to lay him down, “WHY DO YOU HATE SLEEP, CHILD?”
3:56 am : “You win, you’re coming in bed with us.” {We said we’d never co-sleep, ha.}
4:00 am : “Finally! He’s really asleep this time, maybe I can get a little rest.”
4:04 am : “Does he always snore like this? Good grief!”
4:07 am : “I’m never going to be able to sleep with all this snoring in my ear!”
4:10 am : “Maybe if I’m reeeeally careful, I could carry him back into his room and lay him down in his crib…”
…tiptoeing across the hall quieter than anyone has ever tiptoed…
4:12 am : As I’m laying him down, “Please, God, let him stay asleep. Please, God, let him stay asleep…”
4:13 am : “SUCCESS!!! I did it! I am Supermom!” Do a little happy dance in the hallway.
4:14 am : “And now I’m too worked up from all the excitement of getting him back to sleep to go back to sleep myself.” Time to start the coffee!
But seriously, how could you be mad at that little face (and the bedhead!)?
