When I compare who I thought I would be as a mom to who I actually am as a mom, I laugh (out loud).
I always pictured I’d be this cool, fun, all-my-kids-friends-want-to-be-around-me mom. In hindsight, I’m not actually sure why, because I wasn’t cool pre-kids either. (Wishful thinking and too much Instagram stalking, maybe?) And now that I’m in the trenches of motherhood, well let’s just say I’m the hot mess express – not quite sure of the destination, who’s all aboard, or where the break is located.
It’s one wild ride, and I’m trying to embrace my hot mess in all it’s glory. Tell me I’m not alone!?!
You Know You’re a Hot Mess Mom When…
You are the last one in the preschool drop off and pick up line every single day.
One of your children at any given time is missing a key article of clothing, and you consider it a win if they are wearing pants.
You frequently find yourself grocery shopping at 10 pm on a Sunday because you realize your refrigerator consists of two week old spaghetti, a jar of pickles, and an open bottle of pinot grigio.
All of your children are wearing clothes a half size too small because by the time you realize they need new clothes, you’re halfway through that particular season, and there are no gloves/bathing suits/winter coats left.
The pattern of your morning coffee goes a little something like this: lose, find, reheat. Lose, find, reheat. At least until lunchtime when you drive through Starbucks because you need an afternoon boost.
You’ve left something perishable (say, a tub of feta cheese or package of chicken) in the car for an unknown amount of time and only find out because of the wretched smell.
You turn around and go back to your house at least once a day because you forgot something or think you forgot to turn something off. (And have your neighbor on speed dial to make sure you turned that something off).
You show up to school (which is on the opposite side of town because you are temporarily living with your in-laws), see that all of the lights are off, only to realize it’s a holiday week and there is no school.
The key words in your children’s vocabulary are hurry, faster, and we’re running really late.
Beginning each morning with a frantic 30-minute search party, it’s an actual miracle when everyone makes it out the door with matching shoes.
You receive way too many compliments and are told by your four year old how pretty you are when you wear mascara and something other than a t-shirt for the first time in weeks.
Every holiday, birthday, or special occasion you find yourself up until 3 am baking, prepping, and putting together a toy that has over 150 screws and swearing up and down you will never wait until the last minute again.
You’re “that room mom” who signs up for plates and napkins for every classroom party, because crafts give you hives.
You run out of Target in a panic thinking you left your child in the car, only to realize you dropped her off at school.
You’ve covertly signed your kid’s agenda just outside the classroom in the morning.
You receive a text from your friend saying she missed you last night. Your first reaction is to think you weren’t invited somewhere, but when you ask what you missed out on and she responds, “B’s birthday party” (your child’s best friend, and the birthday party you RSVP’d “yes” to months ago).
Your children are used to eating eggs, Costco rotisserie chicken, and takeout for dinner.
When you’ve gone through the school drop off line in a) pajama pants b) slippers c) a wet towel wrapped around your head or d) all of the above.
When you let your kid pack his or her lunch (because you just can’t anymore) only to get this note on Facebook from your uncle who subbed in your child’s class: I wonder who made their own lunch today – 4 slices of bologna and Halloween candy?
So let’s hear it, how do you know you’re on the Hot Mess Express?
Solidarity sista! 🙂