An Ode to the Suburban

An Ode to the Suburban

We have all seen the “Ode to Minivan” posts, which sing the praises of sliding doors and twenty cup holders. While I get the minivan appeal, nothing compares to the space and truck feel of a Suburban for me. So, for the Suburban-loving mamas out there, I give you An Ode to the Suburban (or the Yukon XL or even the Cadillac Escalade ESV, for those REALLY lucky moms out there).

  • Thank you, dear Suburban, for keeping Quik Trip open. 12 mpg doesn’t hurt nearly so badly when there are .89 Big Q drinks to ease the pain.
  • Thank you, Suburban, for running well beyond 100,000 miles because the cost to replace you is roughly the same as a HOUSE.
  • Thank you, Suburban, for keeping my children so well separated. Your third row is better than any time out.
  • Thank you, Suburban, for letting me take ALL the things everywhere I need to go. Double jogging stroller, baseball gear, and a week’s worth of groceries? No problem. I don’t even have to leave a kid home so I can fold down the third row, it all fits nicely in the cargo area.
  • Thank you, Suburban, for making me feel like I am driving my babies around safely in an armored tank. DON’T MESS WITH THIS MAMA ON THE ROAD!
  • Thank you for allowing me to have the biggest and baddest backseat full of blankets at the drive-in.
  • Thank you for the option to tow a boat or camper, although we both know I’ll probably never tow anything more than a jacket caught in a door.
  • Thank you for allowing me to off-road it to find the BEST fireworks-watching spot during Riverfest. (Special shout out to the Z71 package!)
  • Thank you for amply holding any ridiculous car seat I talk myself into buying. Because, you know, the armored-tank feeling isn’t enough to keep me away from safe cell side impact protection.
  • Thank you for allowing me to always say, “Sure, there is room for a friend!” And if the friend needs to bring along a cooler of drinks or a bag full of catcher’s gear, there is room for that too.
  • Thank you for incorporating family-friendly features like DVD players and cordless headphones. Many a family road trip has been saved because of your thoughtfulness.
  • And, of course, thank you dear Suburban for making me feel like I haven’t completely given up my identity as being anything other than a mom. Is it a politician? Is it a celebrity? Is it a mom with 5 kids? You may never know. (At least until you glance in and see car seats, backpacks, baseball gear, and Goldfish wreckage.)
Jordan Kieffer
Jordan is General Counsel for WMB and a regular contributor. She is also an attorney in private practice and the owner of Barre Forte Wichita. She grew up in the rural Butler County area and spent most of her childhood outdoors. She attended WSU for undergrad, followed by KU Law. The year before Jordan completed law school, she and her husband got married, making her a stepmom to three. They have since added two little ones, making a total of five fun and crazy kids! In her free time, Jordan can be spectating at the kids’ ball games, at the barre studio, horseback, or listening to audiobooks. She lives a blessed life and she's excited to share it with you!