Oh, grace. We all need it. We talk about it often. But do we give it freely to others as much as we expect it to be freely given to us?
With the holidays quickly approaching, I know that grace is going to be at the forefront of my mind (well, more than usual, I should say). Holiday gatherings are on the horizon and, whether we like it or not, so is facing a few elephants in the room. Although we all wish we had the perfect relationships with others, it’s likely that we all have at least one struggle (Or is it just me? Isn’t it ironic how we always wonder if we are the only ones that experience certain happenings in life?).
Dealing with any tough situation, here is what I have (not easily) learned about grace:
• If you have been on the receiving end of hurt or disappointment, just remember that it isn’t a reflection upon you. Hurt people, (sometimes) hurt others.
• It’s okay to say no. If you’re struggling with putting yourself in a situation that makes you uncomfortable, just opt out. And don’t feel bad about it.
• We have no control over others. Maintaining who you truly are at your core and continuing to live your truth is what matters. To continue being your true self is the biggest testimony of all.
• What everyone else thinks or believes should be of no concern. Having a clear conscious, knowing that you have done what you feel to be right and good, is what matters.
• Forgive. I have learned that just because you forgive, doesn’t mean that person needs to be as involved in your life as they may have once been; nor does it necessarily mean that you have to forget. Physiologically, forgetting can be impossible (though not remembering could definitely be beneficial to all parties, not gonna lie). It’s okay to forgive and move forward, with or without that said person.
• Let any wrong-doings speak for themselves. The truth will always transpire.
• Sometimes, it is necessary to put your own feelings aside and focus on other things that are more important in the situation at hand (i.e. kids, spouse, other family members/friends, etc).
One of my favorite researchers/storytellers is Brene Brown. Oh, has Brene taught me so much during my own personal journey of deeper self-discovery and inner healing from situations in my life that have shaken me to my core. One thing Brene speaks about often is letting go of what a relationship once was in order to move on to a “new normal” with that person/s. We, in a sense, mourn what the relationship once was in order to have a rebirth of what the relationship will (or maybe won’t) be in the future. Creating healthy boundaries is important, and doesn’t make you a bad person.
During the holidays (and beyond), wouldn’t it be refreshing if we all challenged ourselves to try to channel our inner Brene Brown? If we worked on creating “new normals?”
We need to remember that we are all not perfect human beings, so we should make sure to forgive and give grace to ourselves, too. If you have wronged someone, try giving that person grace for the reasons you may have wronged them, and work on genuinely rebuilding what has been broken (trust is a big huge thing). However, if you’re on the receiving end of hurt or disappointment, let’s also not forget the not-so-good things that have happened, so we can remember what we have learned from those experiences to become better for our future selves, and our future relationships with others.
Grace: The best gift we can give to others, and to ourselves. It’s free, so give it freely.
