Mental health. Two words that we as mothers talk about far too little. We share a lot with our friends – our detailed birth and breastfeeding experiences, but how often do we ask each other, “How are you mentally?”
Pretty much never.
There are so many of us that struggle behind closed doors. We are isolated because we are fighting something that’s not discussed freely. I have so many close friends that don’t understand the darkness of my last year. And not because they wouldn’t have helped me with open arms. Because I didn’t feel comfortable sharing my burden with them.
But why?
My mental health journey started a few weeks after my son’s birth, which coincided with a few traumatic health events. I was having constant flashbacks of the ordeal, and it was making my days unbearable. I remember my first panic attack very well. I was at a follow up doctor’s appointment after leaving the hospital, and they wanted to do some blood work. Instead of sitting there like a calm person, I absolutely freaked out. I threw a toddler-sized tantrum and ran out of the office in tears, my husband following me with the baby (sans blood work). My husband calmly got in the car and said, “I think you should go talk to someone”. At that point I knew he was right and made an appointment with a therapist. I am so grateful he spoke those words to me, because otherwise I would have tried to navigate through my anxiety on my own. A few days later, I saw a therapist and was diagnosed with acute stress disorder.
We don’t seem to openly talk about our therapists, but I will talk about mine.
I love her. She has changed my life for the better. At first I was ashamed that I needed this type of help. I saw people I knew sitting in the same office lobby, but never said “hi”. Why are so many of us embarrassed? We aren’t bad mothers, we have been through hard things and don’t know how to cope on our own. Life has given us more than we know how to handle. And that’s OK. It’s OK to seek advice and guidance when you are helpless. We would seek guidance and help for other medical issues, so why are we secretive when we get help for our mental health?
Ask your friends how they feel both physically AND mentally.
We are all in this together and it’s OK if some of us need a little extra assistance. Had I not received professional help for my anxiety, I would be in a far darker place than I am today. Modern medicine is a great thing, but when it comes to mental health, we often have to seek treatment ourselves. Unlike many physical illnesses, it is not always obvious to others that something is wrong. Talk to your friends about how you are feeling. They will appreciate knowing what is truly going inside of your head, versus knowing the facade of a person that is fighting to hold it all together. My journey is still not perfect as I regularly struggle to sleep at night and have an obsessive bedtime routine for my son to calm my nerves that we will both wake up in the morning. But, I am doing better and with mental health taking steps forward is a great victory.
Great article! I struggled with a similar mental health issue and played poker with everyone for months trying to hide it! I was so embarrassed! Modern medicine and my therapist helped me out of dark place so I could function more efficiently as a mother, a wife and a nurse! Thank you for posting this to help bring light on an often hidden subject!
Good for you for being so open. It’s definitely rough to come to grips with what seems to be such a weakness. But there are SO many of us in the same boat. I never started to feel better until I took the steps toward admitting something was actually wrong.